Why Does Everyone Know About Excalibur
by elisalizzbeth
Summary: Excalibur, the holy sword is known far and wide for the amount of power he gives his owner. It would be better if he wasn't so lame! Follow my favorite characters as they find Excalibur and... well... he is very lame!
1. Ed and Al Elric Fullmetal Alchemist

Edward and Alfonse Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist

Water slowly trickled down the walls of the cave as the two Elric's wandered in.

"Are you sure this is the right place Al?" Ed asked doubting his brother's sense of direction greatly.

"Yes brother." Al sighed.

"It's not very... magical." Ed pointed out peering into the darkness.

The two brothers trudged deeper into the cave.

"Al, my coats getting wet and I don't want to ruin my boots. Carry me." the smaller of the two demanded, not leaving it open for discussion.

"But brother!" Al complained.

"Don't Al," Ed said sternly, "I'm the oldest! Now do as I say!"

Al sighed and bent down to pick his brother up.

"Excalibur should be at the end of this cave right?"

Al sighed once again. His brother was so much work!

"Yes," he replied.

They were looking for the holy sword Excalibur. It was said to give anyone who could pull it out of the ground immense power and glory! And, to be honest who wouldn't want a little glory?

"I can see it!" Ed yelled.

A blue light shone round the tall stone poles in front of them.

"Full speed ahead!" Ed said pointing towards the source of the glow.

This comment did not impress Al however he didn't want to argue at the moment so he left it.

Soon enough they reached the stone circle in the centre of the cave. Excalibur was sticking out of the middle of the slab glistening in the moonlight that shone from a small hole in the top of the cave.

"Put me down here Al." Ed said staring at the sword.

Al dropped his brother and stepped over him casually.

"Damn it Al! What the hell was that for?" Ed shouted rubbing his now throbbing head and slowly getting onto his feet.

Al didn't answer the question and instead proceeded to walk round and examine the sword.

"I'll pull it out. Okay?"

"Yes brother. You've got more of a chance than I have." Al said sarcastically, still a bit annoyed at his brother for earlier.

Ed walked towards the sword. A clink echoed round the cave as his auto-mail hand rested on the swords handle. The metal shone as Ed prepared to pull out the sword. He took a deep breath and...  
The sword popped out from the stone with no problem at all.

Ed stood looking at the sword with a puzzled look etched on his face.

"That was easy." He said in disbelief.

"It looked it." Al replied as confused as his brother.

Suddenly the sword began to vibrate. Ed dropped it in astonishment and jumped back as white smoke began to surround the weapon. Then a pop swam round the cave and the smoke cleared to reveal a rather peculiar site.

"Well that's lame." Ed exclaimed as he looked at a small white thing with a long nose, top hat and a cane clasped in its tiny paw.

"Fool!" the thing yelled nearly smacking Ed in the face with his cane, "I'm Excalibur the holy sword!"

There was a snigger before a chorus of laughter. The brothers erupted into a powerful fit of sniggering and general amusement.

"You're the holy sword?" Ed coughed out still laughing.

"Brother, I may have got the wrong cave after all!" Al stated still laughing out of control.

The small man/anteater thing lifted his cane above his head and smacked it down onto the back of Ed's head.

"Ow! What was that for you jerk!" Ed yelled grasping the back of his head yet again.

"Fool!" the thing shouted swinging his cane on the boys again, "My legend dates back to the 12 century!"

"Good for you! Now let's get goi..."

Ed was interrupted by another smack round the head from the white animal things cane.

"Stop doing that!" Ed yelled going to punch it. Excalibur dodged it by leaping into the air, spinning round and round. Ed tripped and face planted the hard stone floor.

"You're really starting to bug me now jerk!" Ed said twitching and steadily getting to his feet.

"What is your favorite number between 1 and 12 metal boy?" Excalibur asked pointing his cane at Al.

"Um... 6, I suppose." Al said nervously.

"Fool! What gives you the right to choose!" Excalibur yelled tapping Al sharply on the elbow.

Al jumped backwards.

"I'm sick of you!" Ed yelled clapping.

He smashed his hands onto the earth.

"Good bye Excalibur!" Ed shouted.

His alchemy flowed in the ground and before Excalibur could jump out of the way a huge rock spike shot out of the ground and through the white anteater thing. Blood dripped down the spike.

"Brother! What was that for! He wasn't hurting anyone!" Al yelled in shock.

"Did you not see him smacking me with his stupid walking stick!" Ed screeched back.

"If you're going to leave me I would appreciate it if you put me back in the ground."

Ed slowly turned his head. Excalibur was pushing himself off the spike. He dropped onto the ground and brushed himself off.

"Die!" Ed yelled once again clapping and slapping his hands on the ground.

"Die, die, die, die, die!" Ed screamed as he made spikes shoot out of the ground underneath the thing.

"Brother I think you should stop now!" Al said turning away.

"He won't die Al!" Ed had a psychotic look in his eyes.

Al decided it would be safer to remove his brother now. He calmly walked up to his brother picked him up and walked back towards the mouth of the cave.

"Thanks for taking me away from that jerk!" Ed said calming down slightly.

"That's okay brother."

A fairy flew in front of them.

"Oh hello," the fairy said, "what are you doing here?"

The brothers pulled a horrified face.

"Oh Excalibur!" the fairy said.

The boys walked away.

"That fairy was nearly as small as you brother." Al laughed.

"Not now Al."


	2. Italy and Germany Hetalia

Italy and Germany - Hetalia

"Germannnyyy! It's dark and scary! I don't like it down here! It's too wet and I can hear the water drop from the ceiling and I don't want to get my trousers wet! Germannnyyy!"

The tall country sighed.

"We will be done soon we just need to get the sword and leave." Germany said, weakly, "Just go inside."

The small country shuffled inside the cave.

"GERRRRRRMMMMMAAAAANYYYY! My trousers are getting wet!" Italy screamed running and jumping at Germany.

The country caught the boy.

"Italy!" he began, "Man up and go inside the cave!"

This scared the poor country so he jumped down and ran as fast as he could deep into the cave. Germany trundled behind.

"I've found it Germany!" Italy shouted back at the country.

"Good!" Germany replied sprinting towards a bright blue beam of light.

"Are you going to pull it out?" Italy asked when Germany had caught up and was resting beside him.

"It's probably safest," Germany whispered to himself.

"What?" Italy said putting his hand to his ear.

"Nothing," the German sighed, "I'll go first ok?"

"Si!" the Italian said brightly, sticking up his thumb.

Germany walked towards the sword. He wrapped his hands round the handle and pulled... and pulled... and pulled!

"You okay buddy?" Italy asked peering round to see what the man was doing.

"It... won't... budge!" He grunted still trying to pull the sword out.

"My go!" Italy shouted jumping towards the sword.

"Ja," Germany said stepping back, "Be caref..."

Before he had time to finished Italy had the sword in his hands and was swinging it around his head carelessly.

The German looked at the small country in shock.

(How did he pull it out and I couldn't?) he thought to himself, (I must have loosened it when I slipped backwards.)

"Germany, Germany! I pulled it out! We can be powerful together! Are you proud of me?"

Italy smiled at Germany. He smiled back and ruffled his hair.

"You want you're pasta don't you?"

"Si!"

Germany sighed as he reached into his back pack and pulled out a flask full of pasta.

"Yay!" the Italian shouted, ripping the flask out of his friends hands, dropping the sword and galloping off to the edge of the stone circle.

Germany picked up the sword and watched it shine in the small beam of light slicing through the darkness in the cave.

"So what do we do now?" He said out loud to himself.

"Well, good fellow, if you pop me down we can get to know each other."

"Who was das?" the burly country question holding the sword at the ready.

"Me!" the mysterious voice stated, "I'm the holy sword Excalibur!"

The sword rose out of Germany's hand producing a bright light.

"Germany! I finished my pasta!" Italy said running back over to the German, a big smile spread across his face.

Just then the light brightened and both countries were blinded.

"Oooooooowwwwwwww!" the scream wafted around in the light.

When Germany had recovered from the blinding light he stood up and brushed himself off.

"Germaaaaannnnnyyyy!"

"Italy?" the German questioned spinning round.

"I'm down here." the boy sniffed.

Germany looked down and saw a very strange sight. Italy was laid face down on the floor and on his back was a strange looking white animal. It had a long, curved nose and a top hat. It was wearing a jacket but no trousers and was standing on Italy's back.

"Get it off me Germany!" Italy screamed wriggling around underneath the thing.

As Germany moved to pick up the thing a cane swung at him.

"Fool! I'm not here to be man handled!" the small mammal shouted.

Germany jumped back in shock.

"Don't point that thing at me!" he shouted at Excalibur.

"Oh don't Germany. He's quite cute now I can see it properly." Italy said, big pleading eyes staring him down.

"Fool! I'm not cute!" Excalibur said changing position and firing his cane in Italy's direction. The Italian started laughing much to Excalibur's annoyance.

"Strange boy, why are you laughing?" He asked twirling his cane, glaring at Italy while doing it.

"I'm sorry but I think you're very funny."

Excalibur gave the boy another confused look before turning to address Germany.

"You! Are you his guardian?"

"Well... I'm his... best... friend.. well... yes I suppose you could call me that." Germany sighed.

"Get him off me then."

Germany looked down and sure enough the Italian was holding onto the things leg and laughing uncontrollably.

"Italy get up!" Germany demanded.

The Italian stopped laughing and stood up.

"Anyway Excalibur, we wish you to come with us and make us the most powerful countries in the world. So hop along."

"First let me tell you my sto..." Excalibur began before being interrupted by Italy.

"Germany! I'm bored!" he grumped pulling on the countries sleeve.

"On second thought Excalibur, I've got plenty to deal with here so we'll just be leaving now."

Germany picked up the Italian and slung him under his arm.

"Byyyeeee!" Italian shouted at Excaibur.

After making a rude gesture at Italy he transformed back into a sword and dug himself back into the ground.


	3. Watanuki and Domeki xxxHolic

"So you really think that this sword will help with the spirits?"

"Yeah I'm sure,"

"But what if it doesn't Domeki! I can't take it much longer! It's ripping me to shreds!"

"On second thoughts let's not go," Domeki said smugly.

"NOOOO! Why couldn't we bring Himowaree!"

"If you remember..."

FLASHBACK

"Hello, Himowaree!" Watanuki said in his normal stupid tone.

"Oh, hi Watanuki!" Himowaree smiled and ran towards him, "What did you want?"

"Well me and... Domeki are going to go and find the holy sword Excalibur on Saturday and we were wondering if you could come?"

"Wow! That sounds like a lot of fun!" Himowaree said enthusiastically, "But I'm going to visit my Grandma for her birthday. Sorry,"

"It's fine," Watanuki's voice fell, "Wish your Grandma happy birthday for me."

PRESENT DAY

"See," Domeki said triumphantly.

"You didn't need to come with me," Watanuki said quickly.

Domeki shrugged.

"Yuko told me it would be better if I did. To be honest I agree. Your hopeless without me!"

Watanuki practically exploded as Domeki walked straight passed him smirking.

"I'm not hopeless!" He shouted running after him.

"Wow. That must be Excalibur." Domeki said inexpressively.

He was looking at a silver metal handle sticking out of the ground. An ominous light was shining on it and the diamond shot rainbow beams of light in every direction.

"That things unbelievably... lame!" Watanuki shouted running to go and poke Excalibur.

"I don't know Watanuki, it looks pretty cool to me."

"Can't you see that massive thing in its face?" Watanuki yelled turning round to face Domeki, "Is it a nose or part of a hose pipe?"

Domeki looked at what Watanuki was looking at.

"That's a sword, Watanuki." Domeki pointed out a confused tone to his voice.

"You mean you can't see that... thing?"

Domeki looked again.

"Nope."

"Sir?" Excalibur asked politely, "I wish to know how you can see my true form while I'm in weapon form?"

"It spoke! The thing spoke!" Watanuki screamed.

"Fool, I'm Excalibur, the holy sword not an it!"

Domeki was now well and truly confused. Watanuki was running around staring at the sword, that was now wobbling after him, and shouting at the top of his voice "Keep that cane away from me!"

"Um... Watanuki?" Domeki began, "Can I help?"

"Can you not see that thing following me! Get it!"

"But it's a sword!"

Watanuki stared at Domeki.

"Just get it!"

Domeki ran after the sword until it stopped and with a puff of smoke it transformed into an... anteater.

"Watanuki? That things lane! We don't need it! Let's leave!"

"I agree! You're a freak!" Watanuki shouted grabbing Domeki's collar and dragging him out of the cave.

"Well they we're rude! They didn't even put me back in the ground." Excalibur returned to his weapon form and fell back into the ground.


	4. Lelouch and Suzaku Code Geass

Lelouch and Suzaku - Code Geass

"So what is it we are looking for Suzaku?" Lelouch asked innocently.

"The holy sword Excalibur. It is said to give its owner great power. Lloyd wants it to go with the Lancelot."

"Does he now," Lelouch smiled.

"Errr Lelouch? Are you okay?"

Lelouch stopped smiling and smacked his usual sullen face back on before turning to reply.

"Yeah I'm fine! It just sounded interesting, that's all!"

"If you say so," Suzaku said not quite certain Lelouch didn't remember anything.

"You see it yet?"

"No, but, I think, I think I can see a fairy?"

Sure enough a fairy was flying towards them.

"Weird," Lelouch commented as it flew towards them leaving behind a trail of glitter.

"Hey, can you help us?" Suzaku asked politely.

"Sure!" the fairy beamed at them in a twinkly voice.

"We are looking for Excalibur and we were wondering if you knew where it is?"

"Noooooo," the fairy said pulling a very strange, demented face before flying away.

"Helpful!" Lelouch laughed.

"Oh wait, I think I can see something."

Suzaku said starting to run deeper into the cave.

"Hey! Wait up! You know I suck at running!" Lelouch yelled breaking into a run after Suzaku.

"I see it Lelouch!" Suzaku shouted back.

Finally, Lelouch met up with Suzaku.

"You're very quick you know that!" Lelouch panted.

"Thanks. Look at it!"

Suzaku stood before the sword. It was shinning in front of him.

"We've found it! It's said that only certain people can pull it out. Do you want to go first?"

"Okay!" Lelouch smiled at his friend and went to pull it out.

Lelouch gripped the handle and yanked it as hard as he could.

"I wish I could use my Geass on this stupid sword!"

"Lelouch? Are you really sure you're okay?"

"Yep!" Lelouch gave Suzaku a fake smile.

"If you're sure. Do you want me to have a go?"

"Yeah. I'm still tired from running. Sport really isn't my thing."

Suzaku laughed and walked over to the sword. He grasped it and tugged. It wouldn't come out for him either.

"You okay over there Suzaku?"

"It won't come out!" Suzaku said struggling a little.

Lelouch went to help and got hold of the grip as well.

"On 3. 1,2,3 pull!"

The sword wouldn't budge.

"I suppose we should leave." Suzaku sighed.

"Yeah." Lelouch said sadly.

(Yes! Now the black knights have nothing to worry about!)

"Let's go,"

"Okay," Lelouch sighed and walked away with Suzaku.

"What! Fools!" Excalibur exclaimed, "They are the weakest brats I have ever seen!"


	5. L and Near Death Note

L and Near - Death Note

"So you are testing me how L?" Near asked as they entered the cave, "I see no intellectual problems to be solved in here."

"I'm testing you in the field. To be a good detective you also have to be able to be able to perform in the field." L stated.

"Okay. I understand," Near replied pulling out a robot a twiddling with its arm, "However I find it rather irrelevant for me as I have co-workers who are trained in that area of investigation."

"There are points in some investigations that you will have to enter the field and, dare I say, wear shoes!"

Near and L both gasped at this commented before proceeding to walk deeper into the cave.

"That was scary!" Near said shivering a little.

"I'm sorry Near. Have you ever thought about shortening your name to N?" L asked.

"Yes. I might try it at some point. What is my task then?"

"You need to get the holy sword Excalibur and take it back to Wammy's with little or no help."

"That doesn't sound too taxing," Near said, "I think I can see it!"

Near and L sauntered over through the water to the hard rock island where Excalibur was stuck in the ground.

"It's very impressive," L said, "The handle is very intricate. The ruby is incredibly bright considering how long it's been in here. Near, deduce why that is!"

Near walked carefully round the sword leaning in to look at the engravings and ruby. Then bending down to look at the rock.

"There are numerous scuff marks around the sword and the occasional footprint, suggesting this sword is very well known and that it has been pulled out once or twice. It also suggests some found it incredibly hard and their efforts may have resulted in failure. There are also some recurring smaller footprints too small for a human," Near went on, "Moving on to the handle. Considering the amount of people that must have touched this it is surprisingly clean. This suggests there may be something peculiar about it."

"Well done Near! Those were also the first things I noticed."

Near smiled before pasting on his usual sullen look and continuing his circle.

"So, all I have to do us pull it out and take it to Wammy's?" Near questioned.

"Yes. It's that simple."

Near immediately grabbed the handle and with one tug it was out.

"Impressive!" L declared beginning to walk away.

"L, the sword is vibrating."

L turned round to see the child gripping the sword and jumping up and down manically.

"Near are you okay?" L asked confused, a... confusing emotion for L as he rarely was it.

Near dropped it just before it seemed to burst into rays of bright white light. Near and L covered their eyes and when they looked up they saw him. Excalibur was stood before them in his usual waistcoat and top hat. In his left hand he held a cane that he now swung round his wrist.

"I'm the holy sword Excalibur!" he bellowed at the two in front of him.

"That is peculiar," Near mumbled to himself.

"Even I didn't see that coming and I'm the top three detectives in the world!"

"I agree. This was very unpredictable."

"So what did you want from me!" Excalibur demanded.

"I wish to bring you back to Wammy's house so L can pass me on his field test," Near explained.

"Choose a number between 1 and 12." Excalibur said pointing his cane in L's face.

"Well, let's see," L began, "I favor the number 6 however I believe you like the number 12 as that is the number you stopped at. Therefore I pick the number 12."

"Okay..." Excalibur said toughly confused.

"Am I right?" L asked the confused thing next to him.

"Yes, I suppose you are good sir," Excalibur said in a rather friendly tone.

"My rules," Excalibur began but didn't finish as Near quickly intervened.

"Everyone must have rules or boundaries. These are extremely important for organized people. You probably have a very specific life."

"Yes," Excalibur said getting a bit bored with them.

"I also assume you have a certain thing in the morning. Probably tea," Near finished.

"Yes you are correct,"

"Well done Near!" L exclaimed, "That was very well deduced."

Excalibur sighed as the two men carried on discussing his character as if he wasn't there. He had decided that they must be detectives, quite good ones based on the language they use and their confidence.

"Excuse me gentlemen," he said politely, "But, what did you want again?"

L and Near stopped talking and faced Excalibur again.

"I wish to bring you back with me. I thought I had already expressed my intentions?" Near asked.

"Yes well, I have another condition. You must attend my 5 hour reading sessions and listen intently or..."

"5 hours is a long time. I don't think I can take that much time out of my cases!" Near quickly explained.

"I give up! Goodbye!" Excalibur shouted transforming back into a sword and sticking himself back in the ground.

"I'm sorry but you must come with me," Near said surprisingly forcefully.

"I refuse. I know my rights!" Excalibur yelled.

"Is this the point where I would get a warrant?" Near questioned L.

"You learn very quickly!" L praised him.

"Thank you!" Near said smiling slightly.

The two men walked towards the mouth of the cave. Excalibur gave a massive sigh of relief before settling down again.


	6. Natsu and Gray Fairy Tail

Natsu and Gray - Fairy Tail

The two wizards edged their way into the cave.

"I feel terrible!" Natsu complained a bit green.

"Suck it up and act like a man!" Gray yelled at his companion who was bent forward.

"Shut up Grayyyyyyy..." Natsu said before being violently sick.

Gray looked away in horror.

"I'm all good now!" Natsu announced shooting up and posing for some unknown reason, "Wow, that's a lot of water."

"Well done! That's water, you're Natsu, I'm Gray, clever you!" Gray said sarcastically.

"I'm a fire wizard! Water and fire don't mix well!" Natsu said as if it's obvious, which it sort of is?

"I'm going to freeze it dummy!"

Gray took his pose and froze the water. Natsu burst out laughing.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Your pose is ridiculous!" Natsu spluttered between laughs.

Gray quickly punched him in the face before sliding off along the iced lake.

"What the hell Gray! I'm gonna kill you!" Natsu shouted, awkwardly skating after him.

"You've got no chance!" Gray shouted back showing off by spinning round to face him, "I'm much quicker than you!"

Gray spin back round just in time to notice the sword sticking out of the ground.

"Oh crap!"

Gray was hit in a place no boy ever ways to be hit in by the sword before flipping over it and face planting on the other side. To make matters for Gray worse Natsu's limited skating skills ment he couldn't stop. He tripped over the sword and fell directly on top of Gray!

"Oh God!" Natsu shouted slowly standing up, "Gray! We bent the sword!"

"Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!" Gray yelled.

"What do we do?" Natsu asked trying to straighten the sword.

"I have no idea!"

Just then a bright light burst from the sword and it rose into the air. The two boys flew back as the mysterious godly wind swirled round them.

When they recovered a crumpled Excalibur stood before them.

"Woh! What happened to your nose?" Natsu shouted pointing at Excalibur's nose.

It was now pointing up on the air like a snorkel or a flag or something. It made him look rather peculiar. His leg, which neither of them had noticed, was sticking out to the side. That sort of gave him a reason for the cane now.

"Fools!" Excalibur screamed attempting to point the cane at them, failing epically and falling flat on his face.

The two men laughed at Excalibur who was contorting into all sorts of weird shapes trying to get back onto his feet... foot.

"Sorry man, anteater, whatever, do you want some help?" Gray laughed reaching a hand towards Excalibur.

"Never! I can't drink my morning tea now without pouring it all over myself!" Excalibur yelled swinging his cane above his head hoping it would connect with one of their heads.

"Sorry!" Natsu shouted, "But it wasn't my idea! Gray made me slip when he froze the lake!"

"Hey, Natsu you were complaining that you and water couldn't mix!"

The wizards argued and started slapping each other for some reason.

"Look!" Excalibur exclaimed.

They turned round and saw Excalibur holding a cup of tea from somewhere.

"I can't drink my tea! See!"

Excalibur proceeded to tip the tea up to his nose. In doing this he covered himself in tea.

"Ahhhh! It's hot! Help! Help!" he screamed jumping around like a lunatic.

He, however, wasn't getting help as Natsu and Gray had begun to skate away.

"That things so lame!" Natsu told Gray.

"That's something we can both agree on!" Gray agreed as they reached the cave mouth. They jumped away and left Excalibur in a bent, crumpled heap on the cave floor.


	7. Ichigo and Uryu Bleach

Ichigo and Uryu - Bleach

"Why do you want Excalibur anyway?" Uryu asked walking into the cave.

"I could ask you the same question," Ichigo replied tiredly. He'd been lugging his sword around for ages now. He didn't mind so much but he'd had to climb up to the cave so he was awkwardly tired.

"Well I want to try something new. I've been told recently that bow and arrows aren't cool anymore."

"I don't think they ever have been," Ichigo said seriously.

"At least I'm not a soul reaper! You douche's can't pick your swords!"

"That's it!" Ichigo said drawing his sword and pointing it at Uryu's neck.

"Calm down Ichigo!" Uryu shook putting his hands in the air, "It was a joke!"

"I didn't find it funny!"

Ichigo put his sword back in its place and began to walk again.

"I want the sword for the power and respect it would get me," Ichigo informed Uryu

"It is a pretty cool sword, but what would you do with this one?" Uryu said gesturing to his sonpakto.

"Dunno. Sell it on Ebay or something," he said waving his hand carelessly.

"Really! I'll take it off your hands if you want!" Uryu said excitedly.

"I thought you thought they were ridiculous?" Ichigo mocked.

"Yeah, on you, but I can make anything look good!"

Ichigo coughed and jumped ahead. Uryu had trouble keeping up with him. He really isn't built for climbing and running straight after wasn't ideal.

The two men soon noticed a light in front of them.

"I'm assuming that's the sword then," Ichigo sighed.

"I'm gonna take it and become all powerful!" Uryu shouted suddenly becoming evil for a reason unknown to Ichigo.

"I thought you wanted mine?"

"I'd rather have the immense power if Excalibur thanks!"

Ichigo flash stepped over to Excalibur and pulled it out of the rock in the blink of an eye.

"Hey! Play fair Ichigo!" Uryu whined and tried to grab the sword out of his hand.

"It was fair. Just because you suck and can't flash step doesn't mean it's cheating!" Ichigo said quickly flash stepping away from Uryu and laughing as he fell flat on his face.

"At least I'm never defenseless! Without your sword you're a gonner!"

Ichigo carried on laughing until Uryu stuck out his foot causing Ichigo to trip and fall into the shallow water.

"You git!" he yelled waving Excalibur above his head.

He began to lift off the ground. Excalibur began to shift and dragged Ichigo into the air with him. A blinding flash of light erupted from the sword and the two boys fell away.

When they could see again the boys stood up and gazed down at Excalibur who was in his usual trouser less state.

"Well I'm leaving!" Ichigo declared brushing himself off and sauntering away.

"Why?" Uryu yelled after him.

"He's not going to higher my street cred! Can you not see how lame he is?"

Ichigo was soon gone.  
"I'm sorry but, he's right!" Uryu told Excalibur "You're really lame. Nice meeting you though. Big fan."  
Uryu left too so Excalibur was stood alone and bewildered on the cave floor.  
"That's got to be some sort of record!" he said to himself before transforming and sticking himself back in the ground.


	8. Holiday Edition Chapter 1

Holiday Edition Story!

Author Note: I'm at a campsite in France and feeling holidayish! I decided that since I've been finding it immensely hard to come up with people to find Excalibur I would create a holiday thingy! So here it goes.

Chapter 1

Excalibur POV

I sauntered round my cave minding my own business when the strange fairy flitted over to me.

"Hello, fair maiden fairy," I said politely tipping my hat as all gentlemen should do, "What news do you bring for me?"

"I'm a dude!" the fairy said through gritted teeth.

"Oh."

How was I supposed to know that it wasn't a lady? The dress could have deceived anyone.

"A man is coming."

"Thank you," I replied sheepishly, still feeling bad from my previous mistake. I leapt away and span into weapon form elegantly.

"Wow! This is a one big cave!" a fat man boomed. He was wearing a pair of loose jeans that were, rather unattractively, hanging half way down his bum. His bright orange sweat top was hidden slightly by his scarily tight fluorescent jacket.

"Oi! Jim!" a second man shouted in the same sort of get up, "Come take a look at this!"

The man was stood next to me stroking my handle. I shivered slightly as the man was giving me a peculiar look as if I was a KFC! Whatever one of those is?

"Wow!" the man (now known as Jim) said, yet again, "It's a fricking sword!"

No kidding, I thought as he finally took his sausage like fingers off me. The fat man ran up and rammed his sticky fingers on my jewels!

"It's immense! Bill, was it just stuck here?!"

"Yeah!" Bill yelled, "We're gonna have to pull it out."

The other man looked up suddenly, a look of hunger in his eyes.

"Bagsie the sword!"

"Damn it Jim!" Bill shouted flicking his ear.

"Too late!"

"What happened to finders keepers?!"

"We're not 7!"

"And 'bagsie' doesn't make you sound 7?!"

"You're squabbling like 5 year olds!" I shouted before immediately clamping my mouth shut in hope of them not noticing I had spoken.

"Woh, Woh, Woh!" Jim shouted, "What was that?"

Bill span round mindlessly... Drunk.

"Whatever," he shrugged.

"Let's just pull this sucka out!" Jim yelled running and latching onto my handle. I wasn't going to let them drool all over me! I held on with all my might.

"Come out!"

A distant shout echoed round the cave, "Hurry up in there! Is it okay?"

"Just coming, and yeah!" Bill shouted back.

"Come on Jim!"

"But I need the sword!" he whined.

"Leave the sword. We need to go have some biccies!" Bill said seriously.

"Okay," he grouched walking slowly out of the cave.

As they left I transformed into my usual self to be faced by a rather angry looking fairy.

"Pardon me, but the way they were looking at me... and stroking me," I shuddered, "I wasn't going to let them take me."

The fairy gave up and shuck her... his head at me before flying away.

Narrator POV

"Is it prepped?" the manager asked as Bill and Jim emerged from the cave.

"Yeah," Jim said sadly slumping away.

"What's up with him?"

"You don't want to know," Bill sighed and walked away.

"Okay. We are scheduled for demolition in 7 days!"


	9. Holiday Edition Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alfonse's POV

"Wait up brother!" I yelled running after him as usual. This time he'd seen a group of people and for some reason he just had to see what was happening.

"Al! I need a boost!" he said without his usual twinkle in his eye. I'm assuming it was because he had to admit to himself he was small.

"What you smiling at?" brother asked tapping his foot on the ground impatiently.

"Oh, nothing," I said hastily trying not to laugh at the hilarious expression plastered on his face, "Of course I'll give you a lift."

"Well hurry up then," he said smiling and spinning round to face the group again.

I picked him up and lifted him onto my left shoulder.

"Out the way, coming through, make way for the Fullmetal Alchemist!" he bellowed flicking his hands out to the side as I wandered through the crowd.

Everyone created a path for us which I don't think I'll ever get used to. The respect everyone has for brother is amazing but very unusual.

"So what's on this board then?" brother asked as I lowered him to the floor. All other notices had been removed and one was left. It was positioned in the exact middle of the board and had DEMOLITION in bag bold print across the top.

"What is it brother?" I asked, having already read it, but I knew he would prefer to inform me.

"You know when we went to go get the sword from that dingy cave?" he asked sighing and looking up at me, "Well it's scheduled for demolition, they're gonna build a new campsite on it or something."

Brother said it as if it didn't matter. I looked at him and shook my head.

"Well we need to help him," I stated.

Brother looked at me as if I was insane.

"Why would we want to help it?" he asked.

"Because it doesn't deserve to die," I said simply. I didn't know if it could die but that's not the point.

"I think it does!" he shouted back at me angrily, "Do you not remember the smacking and insults?!"

"He called you fool and lightly tapped you a few times," I sniggered, "Anyway, you owe him. You did try to murder him brother."

Brother opened his mouth to reply but shut it again. He was obviously deep in thought about the matter. That's a good sign.

"Okay," brother smiled, "We'll go but promise to pull me away if I start going mental again."

"I promise brother," I smiled back.

"We are going to the cave to save the holy sword Excalibur!" brother announced.

I sighed and turned round as everyone began clapping and surrounding him.

"Um, Al!" he shouted from deep within the crowd, "A little help please!"

"You got yourself in, you get yourself out!" I laughed stepping back and watching the crowd.


	10. Holiday Edition Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Germany's POV

They were all talking over each other again. Italy, being the usual dumkopf he is, was sat eating pasta and giggling. I sighed deeply, covering my face with my hands and hitting my head on the solid table. America was jabbering on about some sort of massive ice cube tray for keeping the earth cool while France and Britain punched and kicked each other.

In usual circumstances I would stand up, slam my hands on the table and take charge. However, I was reading the paper this morning and saw that the cave me and Italy visited is being knocked down and turned into a campsite. I'm wondering whether I should go and save that lame sword thingy. I think I'll have to ask Italy and maybe Britain to come and help.

My contemplations were rudely interrupted by Italy's sobs.

"Germmmaaannnnyyyyy!" he whined prodding my arm, "I was dragged into France and Britain's fight and France punched me in the face!"

I turned to face him and his cheek was swelled to the size of a beach ball.

I do feel sorry for the poor guy. His weakness is... well his weakness is everything. He just a bit pathetic. Again my thoughts were interrupted by a holler from America.

"So everyone agrees it's a good idea right? What do you think Germany?"

I sighed and stood up.

"Can you all just shut up?!" I shouted, weaker than usual, "I'm tired and I have a bit of a problem."

They stopped as usual and I walked to the first aid box for an ice pack and bandages. The silence was beginning to annoy me but at least I could hear myself think.

"Britain! Can I talk to you over here?" I asked when stopped by Italy.

"Yeah," he said with a puzzled tone to his voice.

"Me and Italy found Excalibur and since he's magic we were wondering whether you could help with a little issue," I explained while gently pushing the ice pack on Italy's face, "Do you know anything about the sword?"

Britain's face lit up and he began to bob manically.

"I know everything there is to know about Excalibur! For instance..."

I was not going to let him go on and on so I swiftly interrupted him, "Good you're in. We're leaving tomorrow."

I finished bandaging Italy's face, checked he was smiling and left.


End file.
